If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it...

I don't usually do this, but my friend Kristi shared this with me:



I'm afraid I'm ruining the journalistic integrity of my blog, but for those of you seeking entertainment and not information, you've gotta love that.

Black President

I'm a big a fan of Obama as any. I think he's great, what he represents is historic, and I'm optimistic about the next 4 years. However, I think some people are getting carried away.

Exhibit A: Perry County, Alabama has declared the second Monday in November "Barack Obama Day." My objection here isn't that you have to do something really incredible to have a day. When I lived in Illinois, we always got the day off for Casimir Pulaski Day. I'm still not sure who that is. However, shouldn't you at least wait until Obama has done something? Yes, yes, I realize he's made history. Seems like you could study him in your schools and then after his administration you can have a holiday. And, if you want a holiday for him, shouldn't it be August 4 on his birthday?

Exhibit B: Some school in New York has changed its name to Barack Obama Elementary. Again, seems premature. This is even weirder because in order to name this school after Obama, they had to un-name it after Robert Ludlum, famous American novelist. They could have at least named a new school after him.

Exhibit C: People naming their children Barack Obama. Seriously? The only thing worse than naming your child after a famous person is when famous people name their children anything (google: Apple Blythe Alison Martin). Their whole life those children will have to deal with "any relation?" and "are you actually the first black president of the US?"

All of these people are going to have to pray Obama doesn't majorly screw up. I'm confident he won't, but heaven forbid he turns out like W.

Dear America

Thank you for not ruining this. I don't even know how to express how excited I am. Just, thank you.

Go Vote.

Seriously.

Buying an External Hard Drive

Today I am confronted with the task of buying an external hard drive. I would like to put it off some more, buy my hard drive is for real full now and I can't even save a Word document. I've done a bit of online shopping and it looks like I'll spend about $90 for a half-terrabyte or a little under. Does this seem reasonable?

I realize that $90-ish isn't all that expensive. However, when you're poor, it makes a huge difference. I hate buying things that I feel like I don't need when in fact I really do need them.

Dear McCain Campaign,

I know that things are rough for you. Perhaps it's because you picked Sarah Palin who is completely worthless and who is only serving her own interests for her future political career. Maybe it's because Obama has gained unexpected momentum and you let your guard down. I'm sure there are several reasons, but let me offer an alternative explanation: your mailer targeting software.

I have reason to believe your software isn't working. My evidence for this claim is that I have received, every business day for the past two weeks, brochures talking about Obama's poor health care plan, his associations with terrorists, and his inexperience as a leader. While I won't even address why these claims are false, I will mention that for every one of these ads you send me, you are wasting valuable campaign dollars. This is especially problematic when, in terms of the last two weeks of an election cycle, you are practically bankrupt.

Here's my question: how on earth could you have pegged me as a swing voter? Nothing about me suggest I might vote for you. In fact, in the past two months, you've shown me that not voting at all would be better than voting for you (perhaps I need to think Bob Barr). Given that the chances of me voting for you are about as high as Sarah Palin being able to do anything worthwhile in her lifetime, I would stop wasting your time.

Short version: the software you use to decide where advertising ought to be targeted is failing you. That, or you're just not using it. In either case, I'd make wiser choices while you still have any shred of a hope left in these next 14 days.

Love always,

Sean

Dear Uber-Religious Chili's Patrons,

Thank you so much for informing me that I need fellowship in my life! It was just any ordinary day, waiting tables at the Chili's, when you came to my rescue. After informing me that your husbands were preachers (and sitting at my 8-top for three hours), you asked if I went to church. Now, most people in my position would have said 'yes,' knowing where the conversation was going. But not I. I decided that I needed the opportunity to be told why I am wrong and why I am going to hell.

So thank you. Thank you for telling me that I need to find God (like, I didn't even know I had misplaced him). Thank you for informing me that I need fellowship and organized religion to avoid eternal damnation. Thank you for educating me on the ways to be saved. If not for you, I'm pretty sure I'd be rotting in the underworld as we speak. Thank you Chili's-goers; customers like you make my day. Your efforts are duly noted and greatly appreciated.

With you in Christ's name,

Sean

The First Presidential Debate

While I realize I am spending the entire weekend judging debates, I figured I couldn't let the Obama-McCain matchup slip through the cracks. The first presidential debate took place last night from Oxford, MS and as might have been predicted, this was certainly no game-changer.

First, my notes to McCain:

• You're old, and sometimes people associate old with grumpy. You certainly did not separate the two of those image memes last night, and with every smug grin and every shake of the head as if you had just been punched in the jowl, you made it seem like Obama was really getting under your skin. I'm sure he was, but you don't get to let that show.
• You were aggressive in the debate, and that's the first time we've seen it. First, congratulations. You found the kick in your step you've needed for months. However, I'll warn you: at the beginning of the primary season you had to hold back because otherwise you'd get mad, go off on a rant, and offend some folks. If you get too comfortable with new-aggressive-McCain, you're screwed. Maintain your nice-guy persona.
• Get some new catch phrases. This has 2 meanings: (1) don't steal Obama's and try to bend them to fit your image...it doesn't work. (2) repeating the same things over and over again (i.e. "what Obama doesn't understand," "bracelet," "Main Street," etc.) is oboxious.
• Content-wise, you evaded a number of questions and on the truth-o-meter, you lose. FactCheck.org this morning did an analysis of the debate, and you distorted the facts far more often.
  

Now to Obama:

• What happened, man? Your niche in this campaign is that you're a brilliant rhetor, but we didn't see that last night. You stuttered through your responses and allowed McCain to take control of the tone of the debate as a result.
• Content-wise, you nailed it. You did a good job answering questions directly and held your ground when McCain attempted to challenge you. Whether or not this will matter is yet unclear.
• You play a good defensive game. Given that voters are looking for something that isn't Bush, I think you missed a lot of opportunities to play offense.

Overall, I'd give both candidates a B+. While expectations were lowered, they still fell short of the mark. However, expectations aside, it was still a great debate.

Stumble Upon

So a few days ago I found a pretty cool web app. I'm probably the last to know about it, but in case I'm not, it's called Stumble Upon. Basically, it tracks the types of websites you like based on information you've given it, as well as your browsing history.

Once you've downloaded the application, there is a button on your browser for it. When you click it, it just takes you to a site it thinks you'll like. Granted, it can be wrong. However, if you sit there and click the button a few times, you'll definitely come across something you like.

It's especially helpful when you're in your office trying to procrastinate. You can click it all day long and see some of the most useful or the most useless websites in cyberland. You can also rate the websites or store them in a cache that allows you to visit them or share them with others.

Like I said, perhaps this isn't new to you. For me it is, and I quite like it.

Dear Sarah Palin

Dear Sarah,

I have to say I've been a little obsessed with you over the past week. I guess it's kind of like when you meet someone at a party and you want to get to know them, so you ask them all sorts of questions to get a basic idea. I've got to say, I now know a lot about you. What I've decided is that while you are certainly a lovely person, I'm not really sure what makes you qualified to be VP. Actually, and don't hate me for saying this, I'm not even sure you were qualified to be the governor of Alaska. Somehow, though, you got elected (I suppose it's not difficult to get 115,000 people to vote for you...I could probably do that).

Here's my deal...you have a couple options. You can either take the role of the far-right conservative Christian to ensure McCain's base. Or you can play yourself as a moderate to earn displaced Hillary voters' hearts. In either case, you're failing. Hillary supporters refuse to vote for someone who tries to play the gender card. They want someone capable of making policies that somewhat align with their political beliefs and you, my friend, are not that person. As for McCain's base, good luck. Most of those people will vote for McCain whether he had chosen you or Pawlenty or the pope. But for any conservative who is on the fence, they'll need assurance that you're capable of being president should something happen to John. My guess is that your experience as PTA president is like being president, except there were no real responsibilities. You can also tout your executive experience...as long as your indiscretions don't get in the way.

About your speech the other night...it did teach Americans a couple things. First, you're capable of reading off a teleprompter. Congratulations...I guess that makes you more qualified than Cindy McCain. Second, it teaches us that you're snarky and unfriendly. Candidate image means a lot, dear. You've not helped that image in a positive way.

Best of luck to you...I liked you a lot more when I didn't know you.

Regards,
Sean

Dear Hillary Supporters,

I apologize for the long delay in my condolence letter. While I voted for Senator Obama during the North Carolina primaries (along with just about everyone else in this state), I too think Ms. Clinton is a brilliant woman who will continue to do great things for our country. Having said that, please do not construe the following as bitterness toward your (formerly viable yet already-defeated) candidate.

Please, for the love of God and for the love of the 300+ million Americans who cannot afford more Republican policies, DO NOT vote for John McCain. I in no way advocate voting strictly along party lines. However, if you supported Hillary, it is likely that you're pro-choice, pro-Universal Health Care, anti-predatory lenders, and that you want a stronger economy than what we've currently been left with. If these things are true, then how in your right mind could you possibly consider voting Republican on November 4?

I should note that this letter is not addressed to Republicans or non-Hillary supporters who will vote for McCain. If he is your candidate of choice because you (somehow) believe in his ability to make this country a better place, then vote how you vote. However, if McCain is your candidate because you're bitter and can't stand the fact that Hillary forgot how to run a campaign halfway though, then please, don't bother voting.

Exercise democracy, but don't be a moron.

With love,
Sean

Dear Restaurant-goers

Dear Restaurant-goers,

Recent economic hardship has devastated many of us. While I certainly can relate to this, I dearly hope that you can understand one simple request, which is that leaving a (preferably good) tip is not an option, but rather a requirement. You see, leaving at least 15% should be no more "optional" to you than the $14 you spend on your shrimp pasta. While I understand that you can get away with not leaving a tip more readily than you can, say, not paying your check, people's livelihoods rely on your generosity.

I'm not asking for a lot here. However, when you remember that restaurant workers usually make about $3/hour, it makes sense that if you're hurt by economic recession, so is the person serving your fajitas. If that is the case, perhaps you ought to tip them well. After all, they control your food during your next dining experience.

Remember, a little goes a long way. Thank you in advance for your time,

Sean

Hilarious

Per usual, boredom leads me to The Onion, where I found this hilarious article. It was especially funny to me given that my Digital Technologies class is meeting at Winston-Salem's newest Indian restaurant on Tuesday. This is appropriate since many of the conversations I've had with classmates about this outing indicate that some of my colleagues might be like "Grandma."

Enjoy.

Dear Coworker

Dear Coworker,

I would like to formally congratulate you on your tremendous effort to enforce the rules. Few people are as willing as you to snap at the first person who sits where they're not supposed to, use the wrong computer, or place plates asymmetrically on a tray. While others carelessly sit inches away from where they're technically supposed to, you make sure that no one does such scandalous things on your watch.

Do not be confused. Some people may think you're completely obnoxious. But what do they know? I mean, I think it's completely appropriate to scream at people from forty feet away for things that others wouldn't think even merited a reaction. But no--not you. You make sure your work environment is rule-abiding and fun-free.

Again, congratulations. You've earned your spot as the bane of my existence and for that, I salute you.

With warmest wishes,
Sean

Dear Florida

Dear Florida,

Why are you so humid?

Regards,
Sean

Obama: The most liberal Senator around?

This morning I was thinking about how obnoxious claims by the media are about how "liberal" Barack Obama is. These conversations have been going on for months and have not been confined to Obama-- apparently, Hillary and Barack are both the most liberal Senators. Since his nomination, though, Obama has been the topic of many pundits' ramblings since he's way too to-the-left for this country to possibly survive with him as president.

Luckily, I stumbled up this blog from the Daily Kos. I can't link specifically to the blog, so you'll just have to go here: http://www.dailykos.com/. Look for post titled "The Final Battle. Now with Deflowered Virgins." It sums up very well exactly how I feel on the issue (and really gets at why American news media is just plain absurd).

Dear TBS

Dear TBS,

As you may know, Digital Video Recorders (DVRs) are making it difficult for your network to sell advertising spots because fewer viewers are seeing those 30-second spots. While once you only had to compete with the bathroom, now you have to compete with the fact that people can fast forward through your commercials.

As you may also be aware, your programming is, for the most part, terrible. It seems every time you come up with an original series, it flops. Perhaps your writers suck. Perhaps you even come up with good shows, but the reputation of your network precedes your shows. In any case, I only watch that programming on your network which is really just syndicated reruns of shows that are actually good; shows like The Office and Family Guy.

Here's my beef: WHY THE HELL do you need to keep putting ads for "The Bill Engvall Show" INSIDE the shows. Why is it that this so-called comedian has to "pause" my show so that he can blab about his own show. Seriously, this is getting ridiculous. I know you're looking to use this as a trial run to show corporate sponsors that you've found a way around the DVR problem, but this is SO obnoxious that most corporate sponsors would even be unwilling to piss audiences off in that manner.

Since I understand your predicament, I've thought of a few suggestions. First, get better shows. That way, enough people without DVRs will be watching so that advertisers will want to purchase ad spots. That would also mean that if you INSIST on continuing these "pop-up commercials," I would be seeing ads for things that are actually worth my time. Second, make these ads smaller. If you're going to use the space at the bottom of the screen, don't take up half my television viewing space. My TV is small enough as it is! Third, make these ads silent. In the same fashion that you let viewers know about 2009's shift to digital broadcasting on cable with a scrolling ticker, you could also let them know about Insert X Awful Show Here with a small (but legible) scrolling ad. Finally, if all of the above fails, make several of these pop-up ads air back-to-back. That way, in the same way that I can fast forward through commercials, I can also fast forward through these stupid things. I know you're going to say-- you're thinking that would defeat the purpose entirely. And you know what I'm thinking? Exactly.

Best,
Sean

Dear Republicans

Dear Republicans,

Please learn how to read. For that matter, please also learn how to write.

kthxbye.

Dear Neighbor Lady

Dear Neighbor Lady in Apartment A,

My dog is not going to attack you, eat you, urinate on you, lick you, hump you, bite you, or otherwise serve as a detriment to your well-being. These things have never happened, so please stop screaming every time I go out my door (especially when the dog is not even with me).

Before I met you, some friends of mine told me they screamed at you and told them to get my dog off of you. They thought this was particularly interesting since they were at the bottom of the stairs and you were at the top. I thought this was odd, but then I witnessed it myself when I was walking down the stairs and I saw you open your door, notice the dog, shriek, and slam the door.

It's okay to be afraid of dogs. However, it is not okay to scream when the dog is 40 feet away and doesn't even know you're there. In fact, all you're doing is making him aware of your presence. Not that that really matters since he'd never go near you anyway, but nonetheless it's still annoying.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation.

With Regards,
Sean

P.S. I always know if you've been in or out within the 30 or so minutes prior to my arrival home because your perfume lingers. Less is more, ma'am.

Dear US Airways

Dear US Airways,

You suck. While I doubt this is news to you, you nevertheless suck. While I think you suck, I may think your Dividend Miles program may suck even more. Here's why:

Because I don't live near a major hub, I have to use whatever airline is cheapest. That means that while I fly ALL THE TIME, I STILL do not have enough miles on one airline to qualify for reward travel. Luckily, I am within 1,000 miles of the 25,000 mile mark that Dividend Miles requires for a free ticket. However, the word "free" is misleading. In fact, to book this ticket, I would end up spending more money than I would if I were to just purchase the thing outright. "Samantha" says that because I'm not quite to 25,000 miles, I can purchase another thousand for $35. This sounds lovely, except for the fact that on top of the $35, there is a $35 processing fee whenever you purchase miles. Then, when I actually book the travel, I need to pay a $35 booking fee plus $10-15 in taxes. I knew the taxes would have to be paid, but the booking fee is ridiculous given that I would do it online and NO ONE would have to process the travel but me.

All in all, this comes out to be $115. Now, you're probably thinking $115 round trip all the way to San Diego sounds like a good deal? If that were the case, I'd be impressed, too, US Airways. Instead, that is for a ONE WAY TICKET. Therefore, I'd have to purchase another one-way ticket which, as it turns out, is itself more expensive than a round-trip ticket. All in all, I can travel round trip from Carolina to California for $347 if I use my Dividend Miles. The price if I don't use your stupid program--$260.

Darn you, US Airways! I hope your 2nd-quarter profits continue to suffer! Oh, and did I mention you suck?

Love always,
Sean

Introduction

This semester, I am taking a class on digital technologies and I am especially interested in the reasons why people create the cybernetic identities they create. While I won't rant on about this, one area of particular interest for me has been blogging. A great deal of research asks why people blog, and most of that research suggests that people do it because it provides them a venue to have a voice. While thinking about this, I ultimately decided that I have a voice and thus blogging wouldn't make a great deal of sense. However, there are a ton of moments where I feel like saying something (sometimes to someone, but usually to a group of people) that I don't have the guts to actually lay out there.

Hence why I am starting this project. My goal is to use this space to vent by writing "letters." These letters are things I wish I had the nerve to send, but never will because I'm just not quite that kind of person. My next post will be a good example, but I reserve the right to have this space take on different formats. In most cases, though, this will be a space for me to vent (for my own purposes, and also for those who have struggles similar to mine). Sometimes I think blogs are pointless. Sometimes, though, I think they're very well done (check out my friend Danielle's blog at http://condensations.blogspot.com for a good example). Hopefully, this will fall into the later category. In any case, perhaps this will help me better understand why it is that people share with entirely unknown online communities that which they may not share on the phone with a close friend.